On the Subject of Dreams
by rt13074
Summary: In the three years since the defeat of the Red Lotus, Asami Sato and Avatar Korra have been dreaming. Rated M due to themes kf depression and occasional sexual scenes.
1. Sunrise

_Asami Sato lay with her head nestled in her beloved's lap. A strong, tanned hand softly stroked her pale cheek. She took her loves hand in her own, wrapping her long, delicate fingers around it. She kissed her way slowly up the firm, muscular arm, staring into shining blue eyes; long, thick tresses of chestnut-brown hair fell about her, mingling with her own raven black locks. With their free hand, her lover gently squeezed Asami's breast, and then, with agonising slowness, moved down her quivering stomach…_

Asami woke with a start, drenched in sweat and gasping. Another dream, just like every night for the last three years. She still didn't know if they were a blessing or a curse: they were the closest she could get to Korra's beautiful, powerful body, and every morning they left her burning with need for a woman half a world away. She considered finishing herself off but it was pointless, she knew that she could never reach satisfaction without Korra's arms around her. Asami sighed and got up from the straw-stuffed mattress in her small but comfortable room in the Air Temple. Shortly after Korra left, Asami had asked Tenzin if she could stay on Air Temple Island; she had made excuses, that her home was already full with Mako and Bolin's cousins, that her company wasn't in a stable enough position to justify the expenditure of an indefinite hotel stay.

Tenzin had told her she could stay as long as she wanted, Airbenders never turned away a guest after all, and she moved back into the room she had stayed in during the Equalist revolution, what seemed like a lifetime ago now. But, the truth, which she didn't dare to tell anyone else, could barely even admit to herself, was that she wanted to stay because she felt closer to Korra here. Asami had gone to boarding schools for girls, she knew what was happening to her, what she had seen happen again and again to friends and dorm-mates. And from watching what happened to those girls when they were caught, she knew why she could never tell anyone else about her dreams.

Oh spirits! Why her, why now? This was something you were supposed to grow out of, not into. She wanted, needed Korra with every fibre of her being, and Korra wouldn't even let her visit, didn't want her friends to see her in her broken state. Asami had done what little she could to help Korra, writing her letters weekly, trying to send all the support and understanding and, yes, love, that she couldn't in person. She sat up and unlocked the jewelry box on her bedside table, it held all the treasured letters from Korra, and underneath them, the one letter Asami had been afraid to send. She drew it out and stared at it.

Almost a full year ago, she had written it, sealed it in its envelope, addressed and even put a stamp on it, but at the last second, she had stopped herself sending it, and had locked it away. Asami had poured her heart and soul onto that page, finally telling Korra everything she felt, everything she wanted. All the thoughts and feelings she had tried to hide from came pouring out of her, so fast and so powerful that she almost wept. Every day she had thought about sending it, and every day she had held back- the thought of Korra opening it, being horrified, even disgusted, refusing to ever see or speak to her again, was too terrible to imagine.

And now Korra was coming home, the ship from the South Pole was landing today, finally bringing Korra back to her, and Asami had no idea what she was going to do or say when she finally laid eyes on her beloved again. She looked out of the window and saw the sun staring to rise out over the water and sighed again. She locked the secret letter back in the box at the bottom of the pile. Time to face the day, whatever it might bring.


	2. Moonlight

**Note: The previous chapter takes place just before episode 4x01 "After All These Years", this chapter takes place during Korra's wanderings in the Earth Kingdom, a few days before she ends up in the swamp in "Korra Alone"**

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><p><em>Choking! Falling! No air! Can't breathe! Flesh burning! Blood boiling! Pain! Fear! Light! Darkness…<em>

Korra's eyes snapped open. She couldn't breathe, she felt like a huge weight was crushing her chest. She dragged herself over onto her side and drew a few ragged, shuddering breaths as the weight lessened but didn't lift. She limply slapped her fist against the ground, more out of habit than anything else. She was numb and exhausted and she felt like she was drowning, being consumed by darkness.

Every muscle in her body ached from months of walking across the Earth Kingdom and sleeping on the ground, but she could barely feel it. The constant pain that had been with her since… since that day blotted out everything. This was worse than when Amon had stolen her bending, worse than when Unalaq had ripped Raava out of her. Zaheer had broken her, he had crippled her, taken everything she was- her bending, her connection to the spirits, her strength and her confidence. Every step was an ordeal, her body felt like lead, her limbs were weak, her head was splitting open, and the nightmares and visions haunted her, disappearing for weeks before striking back to torment her again.

Shivering, Korra tucked up her legs to her chest and hugged her arms around them. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to even out her breathing, trying one of the breath exercises Tenzin had taught her. Her heart slowed down a little and she opened her eyes again. She didn't know where she was, she didn't really care, just lying in the dirt by some road connecting one village to another in the middle of the Earth Kingdom. She hadn't bothered to make a fire, she didn't have any wood even if she had wanted to. The only light was the cold, grey moon, bleaching the landscape around her. It was hours to sunrise and she knew she should try to sleep, but she couldn't face the nightmares again.

Suddenly Korra felt a stab of rage, at herself and the world. She slammed her fist down on the ground again, harder and with purpose. A head sized chuck of earth jumped out of the ground, and, with a yell of frustration, pitched it as far as she could. It flew a few feet, and then hit the ground, skittering and bouncing across the plain, before breaking apart into dirt. Another reminder of just how weak she'd become. She couldn't go back to Republic City, she couldn't help anyone, she couldn't be the Avatar, not while she was like this. Useless, pitiful.

It was the pity she couldn't stand, it was the reason she'd left. In her last few weeks in Republic City, her friends had treated her like she was made of glass, doing almost everything for her. Asami most of all: constantly hovering over her, running to get anything she asked for, offering to help with the smallest tasks, and always looking at her with sad and gentle eyes. Korra couldn't bear to see that look on anyone she cared about, least of all perfect, sweet, brilliant, beautiful, elegant Asami Sato.

And yet, while she had been fighting to heal, struggling to stand and walk, she had clung to Asami's friendship. Having the other girl so far away made her easier to talk to somehow. She had poured out her heart to Asami; telling her about her visions, about her pain, about how she couldn't feel Raava inside her, and about her fear that she was broken forever. She had clung to Asami's letters, to her words of encouragement and compassion. In the last three years, Asami had become her strength.

Korra sat up and ran a hand through her newly short hair. With a grunt of effort she forced herself back up on her feet. She wasn't getting any more sleep tonight, so she might as well start walking. Pushing all thoughts of Asami's porcelain features from her mind, Korra started wearily trudging along the nameless road,


End file.
